THIS NEW INFO IN RE VAWA FROM NOW

VAWA Programs Face Uncertain Future -

 

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November 28, 2012

Action Needed:

Congress still has not reauthorized the Violence Against Women Act. If Congress fails to pass VAWA in this "lame duck" session, we will have to start all over again with the new Congress in January. Even more concerning is the possibility of sequestration, or the Budget Control Act's ability to slash funds across the federal budget, including funds set aside for survivors. If Congress fails to pass a new budget, sequestration will result in nearly 200,000 fewer victims receiving lifesaving and cost-effective services. There is very little time left for this Congress to take action on VAWA.

 

Please call your House member, and tell her/him that it is critical that the Senate version (S. 1925) of the Violence Against Women Act be passed before the 112th Congress adjourns and that funding for VAWA programs should not be cut in the negotiations over the so-called "fiscal cliff." House Speaker John Boehner needs to schedule a floor vote as soon as possible. Please send your message NOW.

 

Background:

 

The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) must be reauthorized by this Congress. An inclusive, bipartisan bill (S. 1925) passed in the Senate earlier this year (68-31) contained important improvements that strengthen protections for a number of vulnerable populations, like battered immigrant women, Native American women, LGBT persons and violence survivors on college campuses. A very different House bill (H.R. 4970) was passed that actually reduces services and protections for undocumented immigrants and LGBT individuals. Prior to the November elections, progress on VAWA reauthorization was stymied. As an interim measure to keep VAWA and other federal programs funded at least through March 2013, a continuing resolution was passed. But the time has come to get this bill passed.

 

We need House members to pressure Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) to schedule a vote on the Senate-passed bill. Some House members may think that they have voted for VAWA reauthorization, but you should let them know that the House version was a sham VAWA. In fact, 23 Republicans voted against H.R. 4970, which leaves out protections for anyone who isn't considered a "real" victim. House members cannot possibly be proud of a bill that would ignore improvements for victims of dating and sexual violence at colleges and universities; roll back protections for vulnerable groups, including communities of color; toss out strengthened housing protections for victims of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault and stalking; ignore important provisions to improve services and accountability in programs; and leave out prevention initiatives.

 

We cannot let Congress ignore our call to reauthorize the Violence Against Women Act before the end of this year. And we cannot allow negotiations over the so-called "fiscal cliff" to result in cutting VAWA programs -- these programs are already under-funded and do not provide sufficient resources to meet the need. According to a one-day census conducted by the National Network to End Domestic Violence, nearly 10,000 requests for help are likely turned away each day for lack of shelter space and staff resources.

 

Check out

www.4vawa.org

or http://www.now.org/issues/violence

for more information.

 

U.S. House of Representative office phone numbers: http://www.house.gov/representatives

Write to your Congress member NOW.

 

You can also tweet:

 

» @[your legislator]: What steps are you taking to make sure the real #VAWA is reauthorized in lame duck session? #nowvawa

» @[your legislator]: Make the real #VAWA a lame duck priority – reauthorize it now! #nowvawa

I GOT FLOWERS TODAY! SPEAK OUT AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!

CAN A BATTERER CHANGE HIS OR HER BEHAVIOR FOR THE BETTER?

For many of us who deal with abusers in our own lives the big question is:  Can a batterer change his or her behavior for the better?  Well, so far, studies indicate a 70% failure rate for batterers who undergo treatment, and the remaining so called successes are likely to simply replace physical abuse with verbal abuse.

I can recall asking Lundy Bancroft the very same question about whether abusers can succeed in treatment three years ago when I started going to his workshops.  His answer then as it is now was that it is quite unlikely that a batterer will change unless there are serious consequences to his abusive behavior.  But, as Lundy explains, how often are there any serious consequences to a batterer's behavior?  Not that often! 

If there is one thing I note about my abuser it is that divorce was very good to him.  Not only is he in the situation where he no longer has to listen to anything that I say, he no longer has to support our children financially or emotionally on the level that he did when he was married, leaving me with the great majority of the sacrifices and the expenses.  

The only redeeming feature of the situation is that with time he no longer takes as much of an interest in harassing me, but if he did, he would be able to harass me and there is nothing I could do about it. Yes, we have agreements, but they are totally meaningless if the Court chooses not to enforce them, and the Court does choose not to. 

Prior to my divorce, I had at least the illusion that society did not condone the oppression and abuse of women, as did my husband, and that kept him in check and limited him in the worst of his behavior while providing me with at least the illusion of a minimal sort of protection for me and for my children.  However, once the divorce was filed, it was interesting to see how many people lined up to support this man whose oppression of me and my children was so blatent, as was the physical and psychological damage he had inflicted.  Somehow, so many of these people--lawyers, GALs, psychotherapists, pastors, etc.--found reasons to explain away and justify my ex husband's abuse, and the rest didn't want to get in any trouble by getting involved. 

So, why should an abuser stop?  Where is the reward?  Where is the motivation? 

Also, programs to get a batterer to reform are based upon the concept that people can change who they are.  Of course, where would psychotherapy be if we didn't believe that people could change themselves, and transform themselves into better people.  The field of psychology is founded upon the belief that people can change if they want to. However, as you well know, abusers don't want to change.  They are really satisfied with the way things are.

Regardless, how reasonable is it to believe that people can change themselves in any significant way?  I know many people who have changed their lives in the face of new opportunities and new ideas.  But these are the exceptional ones, the people who look at life and view its potential for greater depth through ongoing personal transformation, and want to grab at the opportunity. 

However, the vast majority of people are perfectly happy to stay as they are and they will stay as they are unless they are hit by a train or something.  And how often does that happen?  This was a tough lesson for me to to learn. 

All my life I hoped to change my Dad who was very abusive towards me from my childhood on.  As a child he used to put me down and call me, let me say "lazy" (I've just invented this adjective because I don't want to get too much into my personal story.)  All my life, I tried in various ways to prove to him that I wasn't "lazy" taking on enormous projects, making sure my home was impeccable, keeping busy from morning to night.  And there were times as the years went by when my Dad would actually appear to see that I was hardworking and I'd be so proud of myself.  But in the months before he died, what was he saying again?  He was saying I was "lazy." 

Even though I'm sure he loved me in many ways, some ways in which I may not have been able to see due to my own blindnesses. After all, "I was his daughter" as he declaimed in those final months, desperately trying to comfort me even as he couldn't resist continuing to harp on the old themes regarding my laziness.  Until the day he died, I was his "lazy" daughter. 

So, I'm not one to talk to when it comes to thinking people can change, or batterers can change.  Batterers are batterers.  They like to batter.  Our culture provides no serious consequences to batterers so they will keep on battering.  I basically think that, like pedophiles, batterers are completely incurable.  There is one exception to this I would add, which is that I do believe that a batterer can relinquish physical violence and replace it almost entirely with verbal abuse.  So they can change from using one form of abuse into using another form of abuse, but whatever it is that they are using, it will be abuse. 

What particularly worries me about Batterer Intervention Programs or Fatherhood Initiatives for batterers which are so immensely popular nowadays among the folks that continue to abuse and oppress women is that they won't eliminate the abuse, because as we know outcomes in these programs are pretty miserable.  Instead, they will educate these men to talk an even more righteous talk so that they will be able to talk themselves out of the consequences for their actions with even greater facility. 

Then the burden ends up being on the victim to explain her unwillingness to let the abuser back into her life and the lives of her children.  The result is that the abuser is even more sophisticated and clever about using the system to harm the victim even further.  This is my greatest fear.  And not just a fear.  This is a reality going on all over the country as different states establish batterer intervention programs and reduce the legal consequences to batterers in order to ensure their participation in the lives of their children, no matter how harmful that participation may be. How long will it be before these batterers end up with custody of the children because the mother refuses to work with the batterer cooperatively.  Not very long, I can assure you. 

It's all very sad, but the fact that this is going on is a reality in this country and the sooner we face it, the better off we will be.