Fiction books on the subject and movies seemed to agree with me. There is always the scene where the soon to be ex is packing and the couple would be discussing the breakdown as he stuffed his socks, ties, and underpants into the suitcase. I can't tell you how many people told me I needed to change the locks on my house after I filed for divorce and began to tell them all about the problems I was having with my ex. Well, sorry folks, it isn't actually as simple as all that!
Yes, if you are lucky, and your ex is a gentleman (i.e. not a jerk) or a lady (again not a jerk), he or she will leave and you can breath a sigh of relief. This to me is the most sensible thing to do and what is best for the children who should not be witness to ongoing tensions between parents. However, in real life, according to Item #8 of the automatic orders which come into effect in the State of Connecticut as soon as you file for divorce, you do not have the right to demand that your ex leave the house during the pendente lite period (the timeframe from when you filed the divorce until the marriage is dissolved). See the following:
What this means in real terms is that, if your ex insists on staying in the house, he can stay. He can follow you around and harass you, he can empty your house of your belongings (I mean, if you call the police as he takes the rocking chair out of the house, your ex will say you gave him permission and who can prove you didn't!), he can invade your bedroom, get on your computer, listen in on your phone calls, shuffle through your private papers and files and generally make your life miserable. He can stand outside your bedroom door the night of your trial and play the trombone all night long if it makes him happy.
Your only recourse is to consult with a lawyer who may suggest you file a motion--Motion For Exclusive Use of the House--to get the ex out, but that may not always succeed if there is no provable domestic violence, particularly at a time like now when fathers have considerably more power than mothers do. You may want to leave the house to avoid harassment and save your mental health, but to do so you may have to bring your kids with you, which might not be practical. In my case, the custody evaluator insisted that my ex continued to be allowed access to the house pretty much 24/7, stating he didn't want any changes in the children's lives while he made his decision. Of course, that was pretty stupid since my ex had already left and moved to another state and only used his access to cause trouble. But who said an evaluator was going to be fair anyway!
Ultimately, you may have to grit your teeth and bear the situation. But don't forget to photograph every item you have in your house to prove its existence and find a location outside the house to store your personal papers and conduct business.
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