I have talked to you guys about how important it is, in anticipation of possible divorce, that you stash away some money so that you will have financial support during the tough times ahead, particularly during the pendente lite period.
I have also talked to you about how important it is to remain spiritually centered and to maintain God, however you perceive God, as the center of all your endeavors, so that you can remain strong, even under the most difficult of circumstances.
However, there is another area of concern that I bet you haven't considered--your health.
Did you know that one of the factors taken into consideration during a custody evaluation is your health? I'll bet you didn't, or you probably would have taken care of it a lot better.
You can be sure your ex has been taking care of it very well. That's something I noticed somewhat bemusedly in the years before my divorce. While my ex husband always seemed to have a good reason for canceling my appointments to the doctor, or creating a crisis just before I had to go to one, he always seemed to make his.
While there was always some financial emergency when I was supposed to have some procedure done, which meant that I ended up not having the procedure because we couldn't afford it, all of his procedures got done, you can be sure of it.
By the time my divorce rolled around I hadn't had a doctor's appointment in years and I didn't even have a personal physician with any record of my medical treatment over the years. I'm not sure how that happened. I guess one month ran into another while I was so busy taking care of babies and running around taking care of the small business my ex denied I had a share of once we came to dissolution.
Then we got into the divorce and my blood pressure shot up through the roof, my heart was skipping beats, I couldn't breathe, I had migraine headaches, my weight went up by thirty pounds, I was anemic, and I was plagued by nightmares, anxiety and insomnia. Plus I still had not undergone basic testing that was ordinarily expected of a woman my age such as a mammogram, a bone density test--things like that. I might has well lived in the third world during my entire marriage.
Of course, all of this happened during a period in my life when my ex was saying to me and to the world how much he loved me. Boy, are words cheap.
The bottom line is that well before the divorce breaks out, you need to make sure you have a primary physician and specialists in line, such as a urogynecologist and a cardiologist who can become familiar with your case so that you are receiving the care you need in a timely manner and who can provide you with medical care during your divorce. Also, you need to make sure you have a mental health counselor, hopefully one off the record, who supports your position and who will assist you in coping with the stresses of divorce. Also, you need to make sure you follow up on regular exercise and that you eat well and do not gain weight.
From now on, make your physical well being one of your top priorities. Don't make the mistake of thinking other things are more important. The other things are built upon the priority of your physical health. If you are destroying brain cells with your high blood pressure, how well are you going to be able to think?
While making it through a high conflict divorce, you have to be just like a highly bred race horse--you have to be carefully groomed, so you look good, you have to have the optimal diet, so you have the strength and energy you need, and you have to be in the very best of health, both spiritually and physically so that you have sufficient stamina to endure in the long run.
In other words, a high conflict divorce is like a marathon--make sure you run it the right way so that you are at the right place at the finish line.
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