When I started out my divorce I had a tape recorder hanging around my neck at all times when my X was in the house with me. Unfortunately, out of all the hours of taping that added up to, I maybe ended up with one tape that was particularly useful.
I also tape recorded meetings with attorneys, meetings with my GAL and meetings with the custody evaluator in my case. Some of that recorded material may come in handy one day, but up to this point, years after my high conflict divorce started, it hasn't really added up to much.
It did make me feel safer when I was alone in the house with my X, because I figured that if he did anything it would all be caught on tape. I also felt better that there were tape recordings of meetings so if I was too upset to grasp anything, I could listen to the tape and refresh my memory and understand better what had been said.
Of course, there were those times when I didn't have a tape recorder with me and that was when a lot of really good conversations took place that I really would have liked a tape recording of!
The big question I had when I started to consider tape recording conversations during my divorce was what kind of tape recorder should I use. Thinking back, I probably could have purchased a nice, compact tape recorder that was unobtrusive from my local CVS for $20.00. But seeing as I'm the thorough type, I ended up traveling for over an hour to a surveillance store where there were all sorts of devices for spying on other people, and purchased one for $100.00. It was an oversized cylinder the size of a slightly overlarge lip stick case. There were other very interesting kinds of recording devices, one the size of a quarter which was supposed to record for a full 24 hours which never really worked properly.
Still, despite the fact that tape recording conversations never really worked for me, this doesn't mean doing so might not work for you. You might end up doing a far better job that I was capable of. To be honest, the whole divorce weighed me down so badly in the first three years that I was too exhausted to really utilize many of the options I had at my fingertips in the least bit effectively.
Often, I tape recorded these conversations with the full knowledge and permission of the participants, which was entirely legal for me to do. But sometimes I went ahead and tape recorded conversations secretly. Of course, the big question that came up when I tape recorded conversations secretly was the following: Were the tape recordings that resulted from those conversations I had with other people either in person or on the phone the least bit legal and/or admissible in court?
For the Court, the answer to that question is two fold. And in making these statements, understand again that I am not a lawyer, so what I am providing here is not legal advice, and if you want to be sure of what I am saying from a legal professional's standpoint, you will have to speak to a lawyer. But, from my limited perspective, these are the considerations.
First, did the other party or parties to the conversation have a reasonable expectation of privacy? If a court were considering legality or admissibility, that is the first thing the Court would have to establish. For example, did the conversation take place in your home or on the street. If it took place in your home, there was probably a reasonable expectation of privacy, but if it took place on the street, in a public place, then there was probably not a reasonable expectation of privacy. If there is no reasonable expectation of privacy, then your tape recording could be admissible in court.
Second, did you obtain the appropriate consent of the parties to the conversation? Thirty eight states, including the District of Columbia, are one party consent states meaning they only require that one person in the conversation provide his or her consent. In that case, as long as the person recording the conversation consents, and of course, why wouldn't he or she!!! then again there is no problem.
However, if you are living in one of the twelve states that have two party consent laws, and Connecticut by the way is one of them, then all the parties in a conversation must give their consent in order for the tape recording of the conversation to be legal or admissible. [By the way, since all parties in the conversation must give their consent, it would be better to call these twelve states all party consent states, but for some reason they just call them two party consent states.] Still, remember, you have to get consent of all parties, and, again, that means Connecticut.
If you disobey these laws in regard to privacy and/or consent, then your tape recording is not only illegal, it is inadmissible AND you could end up being sued for doing the tape recording. On the other hand, I have had friends tell me they made tape recordings and illegal though they may have been they provided the basis for a favorable ruling in family court.
Still, I would be careful. If you have a tape recording that you think would benefit your side, make sure you discuss it with your attorney before letting anyone know you have it.
In addition, there are some practical considerations to take into account when you are tape recording:
If you are in a situation of domestic violence and you are in the least concerned about your safety, if your X were to find out you were tape recording him, it could push him over the edge and lead you to be subjected to even worse violence.
In any situation, where you are tape recording anyone, and you were caught doing it, you could be in a whole lot of trouble, just trying to explain what you were up to. So do some simple self protection like, don't get a thirty minute tape for a one hour meeting and then have the tape recorder click off loudly right in the middle of the meeting.
And last but not least, keep the tape recorder away from a lot of paper rustling and chair scraping.
As a final caution, I'd urge you to be sensitive to the circumstances and how the tape recordings would make you look. Sometimes they make you look like a sleazy, scheming, scumbag of a human being because you are using a semi-illegal approach to getting information. You don't want to come off that way.
Whatever you choose to do, however you choose to do it, God bless you, and Good Luck!
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