SCREAMING! SCREAMING! SCREAMING!

I think the most difficult thing about being in a divorce is how alone you are while so many bad things are happening to you.

I struggled in my twenties and thirties, but for a while there I was quite spoiled what with having a steady income, lovely children, and a home, etc. Then this situation crashed into my life and upended everything I held dear and put me at risk of losing everything I'd fought so hard for.

Then as the drama unfolds with motions in court and accusations and counter accusations and lawyers getting into the mix with their scheming and then the GAL and then the custody evaluator and everyone is scrutinizing you and you have to justify all the prior actions of your entire life, it gets totally complicated.

Try explaining what is going on to your friends and neighbors. It is awfully hard!

In the end, people who know you may decide that you are a difficult person because they just don't get all the details and I do believe there is a subtle assumption that if bad things are happening to you, then you must somehow be bad yourself.

Believe me, the idea is out there.

For the first year of my divorce, this situation was so difficult that once the kids had gone to school and I was in an empty house, I would sit in my bedroom and scream and scream and scream, long drawn out screamy screams using my whole body. I'd go on for a long time until I was totally hoarse. Then for the rest of the day my voice would sound gravelly and I'd say as a way of explanation that I had a sore throat. . .And no wonder!

So, if you find yourself doing something weird like that, all I can say is: It is OK. Tomorrow is another day.

Now go have a bubble bath, wash and style your hair, put on your favorite perfume, go to a nail salon for a manicure and pedicure, whatever you can afford, or just sit in silence and rest. You deserve it!