IT'S ALL ABOUT WHO YOU KNOW

If there is one thing I have lived to regret over the past few years, it is the fact that I was always too busy to talk to people. And why was I too busy to talk to people? Because my ex always had something for me to do!

If he came into the house and I was talking to a friend on the phone, he'd have a fit because I was paying more attention to my friend than I was to him. The end result was that, although people knew me well enough to wave at me across a crowded room, or quickly say "hi" just before we walked into our child's classroom for open house, I rarely had a chance for a heart to heart.

The end result was that when I filed for divorce and had all those problems, there was no one who could support me well or say too much about me because no one knew me that much. And of course, if my ex husband were writing this he'd say, "that was the plan!"

Knowing people is everything. If you don't know people, you are nowhere, particularly during a divorce.

What you need are people around you who are going to go one extra inch, or one extra foot, or, maybe, one extra mile, because they like you and they want to help out. When people are your friend and they trust you, they will pretty much do anything for you. But when you walk in cold and ask people to assist you who have never seen you before in their lives, even if what you are asking for is perfectly reasonable, they often won't do it for you, and they might not just give you a simple "no", they will grill you and put you down on the way to "no," and they will give you a "no" even though there is no reason at all to give you one.

There are some people who will surprise you and really help you out for no darned reason at all other than that they are great human beings, but folks like that are few and far between.

Why is this so? It's because this is a scary world, for real, honestly, and there are shark lawyers everywhere trying to stir up business and take a bite out of folks and so everyone is hard at work covering their asses.

Don't just say to yourself, oh, well, when I file for divorce, then I'll have time to build up my contact list. No, no, no, no, by then it is much too late. You can't just march in to someone who has known you for a week, is aware that you are in a difficult divorce and say, "Could you write me a letter stating..." No, no, no, no. In those circumstances, folks will show you the door mighty quick, before you can even see the smoke from their asses! Yes, ok, I'm in a rear end mood today. That's what this topic does to me.

As soon as you possibly can, way before the divorce, and definitely as soon as you file for divorce, make sure you have a therapist such as a psychologist or a psychiatrist who would be capable of testifying in court on your behalf if necessary--remember to carefully inquire about this as a just in case. Make sure you see this therapist at minimum once a month so, in a pinch, he or she can state what a good person and a great Mom you are.

Also, cultivate the psychologist, social workers, and guidance counsellors at your childrens' schools. In addition, maintain a friendship with a minimum of two lawyers, one in family law, and another in estate law, and also maintain good relationships with a few tax accountants, a stockbroker, a real estate agent, an internal medicine doctor, an ob-gyn, since your physical health can become a major issue in a custody dispupte, and at least three of your neighbors, you friendly person you. Yes, and don't forget to have all their business cards in one of those business card holders and put it where your ex will never find it along with the money you don't want your ex to find (see older post entitled "Take the Money and run!")

No, I'm not saying plan on using people; I'm saying work with people properly so that they are ready to do what they ought to do as good citizens, but probably won't, unless you do the necessary homework. As the boy scout's motto goes, and I have every respect for the boy scouts, "Be Prepared!"