I can remember way back in 2006 when my divorce first started, a lawyer I was consulting advised me to take "a whole lot of antidepressants." "Don't hold back. Take as many as your need!"
I can remember being a little taken aback by the liberality of her remarks. But, in fact, she was right. I'll tell you right now. Once you file for divorce, don't hold back on the medication. Be nice to yourself. Whatever you need to do to survive, make sure you do it. Eat right. Get exercise. And if it involves taking a lot of anti-depressants, go ahead.
A little discussed characteristic of people who are abused is that they often have very active fantasy lives. How else are you going to deal with being constantly put down, humiliated, demeaned and controlled if not by spending much of your time daydreaming and living with illusions.
Sometimes this kind of daydreaming involves having fantasies about romantic objects of affection, perhaps an old boyfriend, or an important person who took notice of you one day, or else a celebrity who embodies those qualities you most admire. Other fantasies can involve what you want to do with your life, like become a great writer, or starting a business that is going to make millions of dollars. They are kind of like desperation daydreams. I had a few of these and when I think back on them, I go, boy was I nuts.
However, there is nothing like a high conflict divorce to sober you up. There is nothing like the demands of fighting back that clears all the cobwebs out of your brain, focuses your energies, and helps you to think with the utmost clarity.
I can tell you without hesitation that, after over four years of standing up for myself, I am the sanest person that ever lived.
Cuckooness or nutcakeism remains the province of those who have the luxury for it, and we, by the way, do not have that luxury. So, whatever you have to do, therapy, support groups, friends, family, medication, meditation, Zen Buddhism, do what it takes to keep your feet firmly in the real world, open, alert, and ready to deal intellectually with the battle you have on hand. It's the only way to survive, and if you don't survive, your kids won't survive either. So, hop to, get rid of the frivolity right now!
I hear what you are saying. Of course, if one way of responding to abuse is to daydream and fantasize, then an abuser would appear justified in saying look how spacy the victim is. See how she is out of touch with reality! I guess that's why you are so urgent about dropping the daydreaming and fantisizing quickly because it just becomes of self fulfilling prophecy that you can't avoid and the abuser uses it against you.
ReplyDeleteYou are making an important point here. It is so vital to safeguard your reputation and make sure other people respect your mental health.
ReplyDeleteI think it is important to make sure you have regular appointments with your medical doctor and you take vitamin supplements, eat properly, and preserve both your mental and physical health. In particular, we need to take care of our physical health care, particularly in regard to high blood pressure, which can be a silent killer. And to Anonymous 1:13, I have to say that I have heard people in Church talk about one of the ten commandment which says, "Do not bear false witness." The reason why it is so bad is because you can murder a person's soul by destroying their reputation. In our desire to be accurate, it is important to protect the vulnerable, and to protect the reputations of the people involved.
ReplyDelete