FACTORS CONSIDERED IN AWARDING CUSTODY IN CONNECTICUT

In the way distant past when I first started to discuss custody with my attorney, the first point he mentioned was the question of "Who is the psychological parent? (see Item #2 below)"  When I inquired further what he meant, he said, "The psychological parent is the one the children run to if a fire broke out in the house."  


Now I say, of course, that would be me.  But when I started my divorce, I was so beaten down and demoralized that I wasn't sure whether I was the psychological parent or whether my X was.  Now I am totally confident that I am the psychological parent, but then I wasn't at all.  It just tells you what a bad marriage can do to a person.  


In regard to the factors considered in awarding custody in Connecticut, there are around 17 factors that play a role and they were established by the court in the late 70s and early 80s, just around the time when women started to lose custody of their children in greater numbers.  I'm not sure if that had something to do with the development of these factors, but it is an interesting coincidence.  I'll go over each factor one by one.  They are as follows:  


1) Parenting skills, i.e. making proper meals, keeping the house and the children clean, making sure they make it to school and that they receive proper discipline.  


2) Parent's relationship and psychological or emotional ties with the child, i.e. the burning house example--would they run to you or your X if the house caught fire.  


3)  Parental character with respect to willful disobedience of court orders, i.e. are there a bunch of contempts out there on you.   This also has to do with have you ever been involved in criminal activities, did you commit adultery (yes, quaint, but it still counts), have you been caught in lies--stuff like that.


4) Willingness to facilitate visitation with the other parent.  This, I'm sure, is a very controversial factor to consider and it is one that mother's rights advocates must struggle with all the time.  Essentially, it puts you at risk as the custodial parent if you attempt to limit your children's rights with your X who may be abusing you and your children.  


5.  Past behavior as it relates to parenting ability.  I guess this means you can't just show up after filing for divorce with excellent parenting skills.  You need to have shown them over a period of time.  If this factor were truly adhered to, women who had been at home mothers wouldn't be so much at risk of losing their children, but they are.  So I'm not sure if this factor is truly considered, but it is on the list, so I'm presenting it.  


6.  Recommendations in the Family Relations report.  This is pretty much open and shut.  If you lose on the custody evaluation, you will lose in court.  


7.  Advice of the attorney for the child (GAL).  Again, if you lose the GAL, you will lose in court.  


8.  Credibility.  This speaks for itself.  Do the custody evaluator, the GAL, the court, the parents' attorney believe what you say.  If not, you are totally scr**ed.  


9.  The parent's manipulative or coercive behavior through efforts to involve the child in the marital dispute.  If it looks as though there is any parental alienation going on, (and I'm not saying I consider PAS a valid syndrom) and you may be considered the source of it, then you are, again, scr**ed.  


10.  The parent's behavior and its effect on the child.  If any of your behavior is wacky and inappropriate and it is deemed harmful to the children, then you are in trouble (a variation of scr**ed).  


11.  Continuity and stability of the environment.  If you and the children have lived in Pleasantville, CT for the last ten years and your X now wants to move the children to Timbucktoo--forget it--not going to happen.  


12.  The flexibility of each parent to best serve the psychological development and growth of the child.  This could be anything really, anything like, girls should be brought up by the parent of the same gender, to the fact that you are a stay at home parent makes you more available to the children.  It's a giant catchall that can provide an excuse for a broad range of justification.  


13.  Which parent is more willing and able to address medical and educational problems of the child and to take appropriate steps to have them treated and corrected.  I would assume that if the children have special needs this category gives either parent the opportunity to shine. If you have been the one to take the children to all their doctors's appointments and if you are the only parent who goes to school to meet with their teachers, this would qualify you as the better parent according to this measurement.


14.  A stable and familiar environment with love and attention from the grandparents.  While grandparents do not have rights in Connecticut, it certainly does make a difference if you have grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, etc. who are willing and able to remain involved in the lives of your children.


15.  The psychological instability of one parent posing a  threat to the child's well being.  I guess that is mental illness or substance abuse.  If you have a mental illness, you are at risk of losing your children, pure and simply, even though this is not an absolute.  I know of folks with serious mental illness who are complying with their treatment programs and doing well who were able to maintain their custody of their children.  However, this issue can be deadly if wielded by a hostile lawyer hired by an abusive X.


16.  The recommendation that one parent immediately commend in-patient treatment.  This criteria most likely addresses the issue of substance abuse, if not mental illness.  If you are abusing, you can plan on losing.


17.  Visitation having an adverse effect on the child at the time.  If your child or children act out or become upset after spending time with you, this will be a clear indication that you should not have custody of that child.  If they return neglected and poorly attended to, that doesn't look good for the parent who had them.


Rightly or wrongly, all of these factors are generally part of the conversation as you, your attorney, your X, his attorney, the custody evaluator, the GAL and the judges involved in your case attempt to negotiate a final custody agreement.  In preparing for these sessions, you should write down how your manner of daily living, your relationship to the children, etc. meet these standards far better than your X does.  By doing so, you will be prepared to advocate forcefully for your own case.

The cases where these factors were developed were as follows:  Cappetti v. Cappetti, 196 Conn. 10 (1985); Seymour v. Seymour, 180 Conn. 705 (1980); Hall v. Hall, 186 Conn. 118 (1982); Stewart v. Stewart, 177 Conn. 401 (1979); Simons v. Simons, 172 Conn. 341 (1977); Yontef v. Yontef, 185 Conn. 275 (1980); Faria v. Faria, 38 Conn. Sup. 37 (1982); Ridgeway v. Ridgeway, 180 Conn. 533 (1980)