THE FINANCIAL TAKE DOWN

One way that women get targeted for take down in high conflict divorce is through the process of discovery.  I noticed this particularly when I went through a friend's file in court the other day.  


From my own experience of this friend, I am aware that she has had tremendous difficulty getting her X to comply with discovery.  However, if you look at the court file, the situation looks entirely reversed.  "How is that?" you ask.  I'll tell you.  What happens is that the abuser's side will file multiple requests for discovery, while the victim's side will file one or two.  


In order to justify adding these extra requests, the abuser might vary the requests so they are each slightly different, or use a complaint that there has been no response to discovery in order to file another request.  


Another thing that will happen is that the abuser will file a document indicating their compliance with discovery requests, even going to the extent of absolutely lying that they have complied when they haven't.  In contrast, often the lawyer representing the victim will simply fail to provide documents indicating compliance with discovery.  


So what you have is a situation where there are repeated requests for discovery from the victim, who appears to be obstructing discovery.  At the same time, while the abuser has indicated that he has responded to discovery, it appears as though the victim has not, because she doesn't file notice of compliance.  


When I saw this situation with my friend, I advised her to have her attorney document what she had done with the court.  The response from the lawyer was a simple "Why?" Duh.  Like she doesn't know.  So there is a kind of collusion that goes on between the perpetrator and the victim's lawyer.  


Unless each side carefully logs in the response to discovery, lawyers will get into the act of saying, "I did provide the documents, so if you can't find them, you just were careless and lost them."  It is amazing how much carelessness takes place around the issue of money, so much so where you just can't believe its an accident any more.  


Then abusers take advantage of discovery and use it as a means to investigate what kind of counseling the victim is receiving and what kinds of medications she is taking, etc., etc.  So discovery is used as a terrorist tool to intimidate and coerce the victim into silence.  


Another interesting point is that, men are given a free rein in court to do whatever they wish with the family assets.  They can disappear large sums of the joint assets of the marriage without facing any legal consequences.  They just say things like, I had to pay the oil bill, or the car insurance, or something "important" like that.


Also, another trick abusers like to play in court is to take the proposed alimony and child support, put that down on the woman's side, and then add on the remaining assets until both have what appears to be an equal amount.  So what I'm saying is, they don't divide marital assets equally between the parties, and then add the alimony and child support.  They give the alimony and child support to the woman as if it were merely an additional asset of the marriage.  


Under those circumstances, women then end up with very little financially at the end of the divorce.  Attorneys feel they have done the job if the woman gets the kids, and they figure the money is not a significant matter.  So they leave women with the children, but without the means to house, feed, or educate them.  And then such women are told to be glad they got what they got.  But there isn't any reason to be glad, because under those circumstances few women can afford to take care of their children and thus they lose them anyway further down the line.  


It's a complete scam and it happens every day in divorce courts across this country, and most definitely here in Connecticut.  


The best thing to do under these circumstances is to challenge your attorney on the matter. Ask them, is this what you are doing?  Are you considering child support and alimony as an asset I am gaining after divorce?  Have you documented my compliance with discovery?  Have you documented my requests for discovery?  Sure they may shut you up and put you off, but at least you have the satisfaction of trying.