A few years ago when I was in the middle of the worst of my divorce, I got out of bed in the morning, went into the bathroom and started the shower and dangled my fingers in the cold spray and waited for the water to warm up, and waited, and waited some more.
As it turned out, if I wanted hot water that day, I could have waited forever. You see, there was this little problem with my furnace. It had run out of oil. Since I couldn't afford to buy any more, but I still had some play left on my electric bill, I pulled out all of my electric heaters and placed them strategically around the house.
On another day, I was watching TV and all of a sudden it went dead. Then I went to the bathroom and flipped the light switch on, but the room remained dark. Oops, it turned out that the electric company I had been stringing along with a small payment here and a small payment there had finally gotten sick and tired off me and cut off the juice. This meant that for a while, the kids and I were positively old fashioned lighting up the house with a multitude of candles.
For the children, those days were full of adventure, days when they all slept companionably in one room so that I could save money on heating, days when they ran around playing tag in a darkened home because there wasn't enough money for electricity.
In contrast, for me, these were days of horror as I imagined what the GAL would say or the judge would say if they had any idea that my children were living in these conditions. Now in a world of common sense, such people would immediately demand that father pay more child support, but in the world that we live in, the world in which abusers reign supreme, a situation of this kind simply represented an opportunity for those involved in our case to prove that I shouldn't have custody of my children because I wasn't responsible enough to pay my bills.
So what could I do in a situation where I had an electric bill of over one thousand dollars that CLP demanded I pay in full before they would restore power to my house?
One answer is Town Social Services. In my particular case, I went to town social services and they paid the entire bill, cutting out the check, and making personal phone calls to make sure that once the money had been paid everything would be put back in order and the electricity restored. At the same time, they connected me with programs that would be able to give me further assistance for the future.
Another is the church or temple: One good friend of mine temporarily lost child support for a few months, and so what did she do? She went to Catholic Charities in Hartford and filled out an application to cover the cost of her mortgage. Not only the Catholic Church, but also many other denominations and faiths maintain funds which are intended for average folk who find themselves in need of emergency money, and you don't have to be indigent to get it, just reasonably respectable.
How about food banks, the ones you contributed to in better times? Also, keep in mind that most communities have some sort of food bank or else they will know where free food gets passed out with a minimal amount of questions asked.
Also, keep in mind that school systems have free lunch programs for those at or below the poverty level, and many of us are put right at that point by inadequate support orders judges often put into place during the pendente lite period. So do not assume you are not eligible just because your ex makes a good salary; what he makes has nothing to do with what you are getting, and what you are getting and supporting yourself with is what you report.
As the word spreads that you need help, more people will come to you either offering you their personal assistance or providing you with more suggestions on how to get your needs met as well as that of children. There is a safety net, but you have to go out there and find it. This is not to say that there are always solutions to the problems, but it is worth your time to find the ones that are out there.
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