END OF THE ROAD HERE!

As a litigant, I am coming to the end of the road when it comes to my pursuit of litigation in the Connecticut Court System.  And I am afraid it is having somewhat of a bad effect. I am literally goofing off like mad.  Thus, in the last couple of weeks, I polished off Seasons 1 through 5 of Mad Men and I am now up to Season 4 of Entourage. 

 

Boy that Adrian Grenier can be so so charming! 

 

I do have one more document still to write and this is what I am supposed to be working on instead of writing this blog.  But, as I say, every time I try to focus on work, I keep on getting distracted by plain old fun. 

 

To be honest, I have been working on my lawsuit for such a long time now, I haven't really had much fun in like forever.  So now, fun takes me by surprise.  A long sunny day takes me by surprise.  Yesterday, I worked on a puzzle with my daughter, and we were able to get the moon done and the dragon done plus the frame.  I was like, this is so, so awesome. 

 

I sat around playing with the puzzle pieces, exclaiming over the successes of the project, laughed with my daughter, having a plain old good time, not worrying about this court hearing, and that court document, and this deadline, and that appointment.  I wasn't absent minded and disconnected like I often am because my situation puts so much sadness and heartbreak into my life.  I just enjoyed the moment and enjoyed the day. 

 

The problem with this, is that enforced not having that much to do in my case, just makes me so lazy and so unfocused.  So this is why I haven't written anything  valuable on this blog for quite some time. 

 

I wish I weren't like this.  Writing never comes easily to me.  I don't just switch on the faucet and flow.  There are times when I am able to write and other times when no matter how much I'd like to, I just can't do it.  I am not able to write for an endless amount of time each day.  Give me a couple hours or so, and I am done.  I wish it were different, but its not. 

 

Sometimes I really, really want to write, I walk up and down in my office,  I surf online looking for information, I hang around my computer staring at it longingly, but I am simply not able to get anything done with my writing. 

 

It doesn't help, of course, when I am in my current position, and anticipate that I am coming to the end of this chapter of the job. 

 

Of course, my plan is to continue on to federal court, but this remains a rather fuzzy, indefinite outline far in the distance. 

 

So I am in a situation where I'm inbetween things, sort of like that place where you have just graduated from college but haven't yet started graduate school.  I don't know how many of you recall "The Graduate" with Dustin Hoffman, how his life just drifted after he finished college.  I remember that when I finished college years ago, people would ask me what I intended to do with my life, and like the character in "The Graduate" I would say something like "I'm going to go into plastics." And the comment was always good for a laugh. 

 

In my spirit, right now, like Dustin Hoffman's character, I am lazing around on a raft in a swimming pool, sleeping late, mooching off my parents--maybe not quite having an affair with an older woman, but I must say I have been winking at my partner in a very meaningful way much more frequently than usual. 

 

It is a strange time for me.  Strangely quiet.  Strangely uneventful.  I will probably look back on this time as idylic when I am in the middle of my federal case, possibly well underway with my book on my experiences. 

 

We need these times, times to reflect on where we have been, where we are now.  And times to consider, are we doing what we want to do, what is right and what is best for ourselves and our families, for our communities. 

 

One of the special things about this blog, and about the work I do, and about pursuing my lawsuit, is that I know I am not just doing it for myself.  It is also a service to the community of other people who share my burdens, and also it is a service to my country.  I know that my hope and the hope of other activists is that by presenting these issues to the court for consideration, this country may find its way more clearly towards realizing the constitutional and humanitarian principles that it was founded upon. 

 

So my work is an avocation; it is a hope and a dream, a vision for the future which I share with so many people around this state. 

 

Sometimes I get frustrated because I feel like I don't quite succeed in what I am doing, or I may rub people the wrong way, but in the end, I know that if we can make even the smallest and most simple changes for the better, those small, simple changes will relieve parents and their children of so much pain and suffering, and that makes everything I am going through, writer's block, etc., worthwhile. 

 

Every day when I get up and do this work, I know that it is work that matters, work that makes an important difference in peoples' lives.  I know this is a big motivator for me, and also for my friends!  You know who you are!  So, today I am grateful.  I am grateful that I'm still standing, still writing, still hanging in there with my lawsuit demanding my legal rights, still holding the legal system to account.  One day, we will all have justice in family court.