The first thing you want to know about custody evaluations in Connecticut is don't have one. What this adds up to is trial by psychiatrist, and the bottom line is that this means a trial by an individual therapist's opinions, intuitions, personal biases and prejudices along with a dash of psychobabble to make it sound legitimate.
Keep in mind that when a guy like your ex disputes custody, 70% of the time they get it.
Once a report is written, it is highly unlikely that a court will ever dispute the results and the report will be in your court file for the remainder of the litigation that occurs in your case. Yes, it will be sealed--sealed from the public--but not to the judge who will review it every time he or she has a question about you. And if the custody evaluator determines that you are a person of bad character, no matter what issue you bring before the court, no matter how clearcut the rightness of your position, the judge will rule against you. Sorry guys, that's just the way it goes.
If you want an excellent review of how custody evaluations are conducted, how men position themselves to win them, and what you need to do to prepare for them, again, I can't emphasize enough go to www.deltabravo.net, the most detailed and effective website for divorce and custody issues as men are advised to see it.
And folks, you need to know what your abusive ex is thinking and how your abusive ex is conducting his strategy in order to develop your own strategy for beating it. Believe me on this one!
Many people advising you on custody evaluations will tell you to "Just tell the truth." Don't be so silly. Think about the truth, but spin it your way, and if the truth doesn't benefit you don't mention it unless you are asked. Plus, keep in mind, most people like your ex are abusers who are highly practiced and manipulative liars and your truths will pale in comparison to his lies and you will lose, lose, lose. So, the truth thing is good, but be darned cautious about it.
Another good point that is really important is that, if you can avoid it, never go into a meeting with the custody evaluator without your lawyer. If you can't take your lawyer, tape record every session, and if you can't do that, immediately after each session sit down and write up every last thing you can remember about what was said and send it to your lawyer for his file only. This way, if anything shows up on your evaluation that you don't like, you can challenge it with your documentation.
Once the custody evaluation has been completed, unless the evaluator loves you and your custody is assured, schedule a deposition in order to examine the custody evaluator and undercut any of the negative points he or she made about you that could cause you trouble later. You will live to regret it if you don't do an immediate deposition of the custody evaluator--you will big time regret it. Oh, and if the custody evaluator receives any letters or written reports as the basis of the evaluation, make sure you get a copy of all of them so you know exactly what was said. Also, if you think a witness misdirected the custody evaluator, make sure you get the facts out to prove that person wrong, either through a deposition or through documentation that you have that refutes the son of a gun's testimony. (I'm saying "son of a gun", but you know what I really want to call that person)
Finally, cruise google, print out a few of the guidelines for custody evaluators so you respond to the process in a sophisticated way and shut the evaluator down if he is doing something he shouldn't be doing.
And, last but not least, I don't know what it is, but the majority of custody evaluators I hear about my friends going to in the State of Connecticut are in their 70s. Try someone younger. I mean, in the days 70 year old clinicians were in medical school Freud was king. Is that what you want??? I don't think so! So good luck. Let me know how it works out for you.
I went through a custody evaluation and it was absolutely a nightmare. The custody evaluator pretty much ignored any information that didn't go along with his preset idea of what the problem was in my divorce. He would simply refuse to look at documents I gave him and say things like I'm not going to talk to that witness because he or she will just be biased and support what you say. When I was having a custody evaluation, I never felt more desperate and alone in my entire life.
ReplyDeleteWhat I had a problem with was that the custody evaluator would call the school and then come away with a completely different story that the one he was told. It was like he added an extra spin to it, twisted it around, and then it would become unrecognizable and gain a life of its own. That was amazing!
ReplyDeleteI think what I found was extremely frightening was when they would take something really unimportant and blow it up into a major issue. For example, my son won't eat any other vegetables but corn and the custody evaluator turned that into a serious eating disorder that would require more investigation. I mean, the kid just doesn't like vegetables. How many kids don't like their vegatables and since when does it require major mental health treatment. That's what I don't get. There is this kind of gleeful, "Ohhhh. We found a problem!" ness to the way the custody evaluator talked. And I'm like, what you are getting a kick out of this, you pervert!
ReplyDeleteWhat I found was upsetting was that I spoke to the children's therapist and/or at school when the evaluation was taking place and they would say, your kids are fine. This problem would never be a concern ordinarily, etc. etc. But then when I said I need that confirmation that they are ok in writing, or I need you to speak to my lawyer and confirm that because I am now in a custody evaluation, they would refuse to go on record. It scared them to death. When a teacher did agree to put something in writing, they would write a few sentences in such vague language that the result was more damaging than if they had never written anything at all. Then they would insist on sending a copy of the letter to my ex in order to "be fair." That was the worst betrayal of all, because I was always the involved parent, I was always the one who did the work of making sure the kids did their homework and had all the sports equipment and followed the educational plans that the school put into place for my kids. But when the time came and I had this evaluation, no one wanted to put themselves in a position where they might have to take a stand.
ReplyDeleteDo you have any advice for a family going through this ordeal now? I was thinking that maybe media attention, but i also want to protect my children...
ReplyDeleteThe media is colluding outright with family court and suppressing information on the injustice that is going on in family court. So you need to get that idea out of your mind right away. What most people do not do, but they should do is subject the custody evaluator to a deposition.
DeleteDo you have any advice for a family experiencing this now? How can we protect our kids?? Would asking the media to bring attention to this subject help in any way, even to have those who would terrorize and abuse their power be aware of the attention?
ReplyDelete