For quite a few years prior to getting a divorce I was stunned and confused about what was happening and so upset that it was hard for me to articulate what was going on. What cleared my mind and helped me focus were books written by Mr. Lundy Bancroft of Massachusetts. The books that he has written are clear and to the point; they help you understand what you are going through and that you are not alone.
Lundy Bancroft is an author, a workshop leader and consultant on domestic abuse and child maltreatment. He has worked extensively with abusers over a substantial number of years so he has obtained his information directly from the source. The book he wrote that literally opened my eyes was "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men." He has also written an excellent article with Professor Jay Silverman of the Harvard University School of Public Health entitled "The Batterer as Parent, addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics". I returned to this article frequently as I was going through the custody process and it helped me to express my concerns more effectively.
I have attended two retreats with Lundy Bancroft and he has a deep intelligence, sensitivity and awareness when it comes to interacting with people who have endured abusive spouses, and he is also very good at explaining what is going on and what you need to do in terms of relationships and self care in order to rebuild, heal, and survive. Some of that comes from the fact that, as a person, he is just very insightful and authentic. He is coming from a truly honest place within himself. Also, and this is a big point, I've kept in touch with other women who have attended his workshops and that has been very valuable to me.
It is important to be aware that Mr. Bancroft is very, very busy travelling and giving workshops, writing, and attempting to respond to all the many people, such as ourselves, who call in order to get personal advice from him. So you don't want to make frivolous demands on him, but he continues to write and produce good literature, and give talks to various groups whose understanding and support is vital to creating positive change in the field of domestic violence.
He is also conducting retreats on an ongoing basis and has a website www.lundybancroft.com where he keeps people informed of what is going on. He is quite invested in the Protective Mother's Alliance International, which he co directed and founded along with Ms. Janice Levinson. (I have a blog about that organization elsewhere on this blogsite, so definitely check it out and consider joining) So take advantage of those opportunities, check out Lundy Bancroft and the Protective Mother's Alliance as well and if you have anything more to add to what I've said, I'd love to hear from you in the comment section!
Hi, thanks for this information. Do you get anything from endorsing this product or this individual? Or is it that you just found him to be so helpful in your situation? If it is the latter, then this is really high praise and I am sure Mr. Lundy would be pleased to know this. There is no question that domestic violence is a huge problem in our society, both domestically and abroad. It is heartening to know folks like Lundy exist to, as you say, "he is also very good at explaining what is going on and what you need to do in terms of relationships and self care in order to rebuild, heal, and survive"
ReplyDeleteI hope your readers take advantage of this resource.
Jeannie Goldstein
www.divorcesaloon.com
For a field the values degrees and certifications, Lundy Bancroft has NO degree, NO license , NO certification, just saying!!! his books have little research and are garbage
DeleteWell, they do have common sense! But that is an extremely rare commodity, particularly among folks with advanced degrees, as we have all found out.
DeleteHi Jeannie! Thanks for your comment. No, I don't get anything for endorsing anyone on this blogsite. I spoke about Lundy Bancroft because I believe that he is one of the most valuable assets we have out there today in connection to divorces where there is verbal and/or physical abuse. I have participated in his workshops and they were extremely informative and helpful to me. I think the real problem is that family court refuses to acknowledge abuse exists. As the GAL in my case said, "Everyone says they are abused!" What an attitude!!!
ReplyDeleteI know. There is so much abuse and allegations of abuse that many in the court system are almost jaded to the point that they can't take some of these allegations seriously. Which is tragic.
ReplyDeleteI can totally understand where it all becomes white noise. However, I do believe that these allegations can be verified through a careful review of the evidence and testimony, but judges and attorneys don't want to do the work, even though that is what they are paid for.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of this, the ABAJournal did a story today about a D.C. Lawyer who sued his client for additional fees after doing a "poor job" of handling the client's case. The lawyer wanted half a million more in fees. But the client (also a lawyer) brought in expert witnesses (other lawyers) to testify that the complaining lawyer didn't deserve additional fees. Long story short, the client won the case and didn't have to pay the 500K but did have to pay about 102K. This was in the Washington Post and the ABA Journal. We did a post today on Divorce Saloon which you can find here:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.divorcesaloon.com/2010/09/28/glenn-lewis-titan-of-d-c-area-divorce-bar-sues-client-for-more-fees-and-loses
What do you think about this?
Yeah, well, lawyers getting other lawyers I'm all for!!!
ReplyDeleteThought you'd like that one Cathi!
ReplyDelete