Ok, so I already said your friends would probably abandon you, or you would just let go of them because life is so awful right now. However, it is really important that you don't leave things there. Move forward to establish other sources of support for yourself, because you are going to have a long and uphill battle and you need as much help as you can get. For example, I've been in this situation for over four years and I don't anticipate that the situation is going to end any time soon.
Another source of support can be the people you meet at small therapy groups run by your local domestic violence shelters. Some of you have been physically abused, and many more of you are dealing with the consequences of economic and emotional abuse. Bond with other people who are going through exactly the same thing. Listen to the wisdom of the counselors and/or the other members of the group who can explain the nature of the abuse that you are going through so you can understand you are not at fault. Afterwards, you can keep in touch with group members by phone and by email and spend time talking and share with people who know exactly what you are talking about.
Of course, it isn't all sweetness and light at these places. After I was in a session with a new counselor in one of these groups, I called the old counselor and asked if the new counselor was a plant from a father's rights group. Trust me, weird stuff like that happens. Also, you can get folks in these groups whose situations are so tragic, you can just drown listening to the story.
To another extent, and this may only be my kind of problem, the counselor's in these groups are all about how do you feel. They aren't particularly angry about the injustice, they don't seem to have any practical advice for improving the situations you find yourself in, and they are kind of wishy washy.
But you know, heck, to be with other guys who can laugh and cry with you and sit there eating munchies and know that for once no one is judging you, it's worth it and it helps. So, give it a try.
For information on DV groups, please contact the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence at the link below:
What this sounds like is that you have to be careful, but still be open to relationships. But under it all, it seems like a pretty lonely place to be in.
ReplyDelete